After a bit of chat I mentioned that I had wanted to start thinking about possibly finding a trance partner on the internet, and I asked if he had any advice on how to go about it. He gave me some tips and then said, "and you can always ask me!" I mentally filed that away, until later, in a chatroom he mentioned that I should visit, when I saw him and heard him on the mic, saying something about his sexy, seductive hypnotist voice, in what I assumed to be said sexy, seductive hypnotist voice. I think that's when I said to him, "Alright. I'm officially asking for a trance now."
And so we agreed to. This post, more “homework” (this time from both AmHypnotic and Spiral Turquoise himself) is specifically about our first real private playtime, maybe two weeks after our first communication. We had done a couple of public trances in the chatroom (fun!), but never one-on-one. For a bit of background information, him and I frequently talked / negotiated / flirted about what I would like to happen in such a session. One of the first things he asked me was if I liked the idea of mantras. I said yes, and so he asked for what kind of a mantra I would hypothetically enjoy. So I thought a bit and went with "I am a mindless toy", not out of any specific love for toys, just an adjective and a noun that I thought were fitting and fun.
That noun, "toy", has certainly given definition to and helped our play evolve. I knew Spiral was into the whole plethora of toy metaphors (dolls, puppets, etc), and while it wasn't something I was specifically interested in, I definitely was curious about it and enjoyed the words. I had never tried that sort of thing before; it was more on the "fetishy" side than I'd ever gone or looked into in the past.
Then, one of the first times he froze me in the chatroom, he and others remarked on how my face went blank, just like a doll. And sitting there, frozen, hearing him say that, and hearing the sincerity in his voice... Well, it piqued my own interest. I won't say I'm a service oriented sub(ject?), but I very much yearn to do things that a 'tist actively wants to do (that I am also into/curious about); it makes the scenes much more intense when everybody's having as much fun as possible. My submissive side does come into play here, too -- I've got a bit of a need to please!
Anyways, what follows is a recap of the 2ish hours we spent playing (I will spare everyone the hour-long nerdy cool-down conversation we had afterwards :3). I've got to thank Spiral for providing me with a basic outline of what we did -- my trance session memories are alllllllways fuzzy. As a note, the session was heavily negotiated beforehand (as is Spiral's style, methinks), and everything we did I had said was OK at some point before it happened. This was awesome and it made me very comfortable with the whole thing.
On par with our discussions previously of me wanting to try some dollplay, Spiral suggested we try a sort of ragdoll thing. He also asked if I wanted to try something that for some inexplicable reason is one of my biggest turn-ons and also one of my biggest humiliation triggers – I’m actually having trouble writing about it here, to give you a sense of how difficult it is for me to talk about. A big, grinning smile while frozen / tranced / doll-like.
...There, I said it. For those of you that know me, you’ll know that a person’s expression is extremely important and heavily tied into what I find erotic about a lot of things, and I guess that comes into play here.
Anyways, I agreed, and he tranced me, explained that when he gave the trigger (a rather ingenious pun on “Raggedy Anne” involving my real name, for those of you that know it) I would go limp like a ragdoll and have that expression fixed on my face. My heart pounded, my head reeled, my clit throbbed. He brought me up, and, flustered as all hell, I let him say it.
My body went limp and my face tried to smile, and there was a flood of paradoxical “this is terribly hot” and “this is terribly terribly embarrassing, toomuchtoomuchtoomuch” through my body. One was winning out, and I think somehow he could tell, because he released me from it, and with a burning face I asked if we could save that for another time, because it was too intense for me for right then.
“Of course!” he said, and I felt relief flood through my body, as well as anticipation of what else was to come.
We then decided on a bit of puppet play, which we had done before in the chatroom. He dropped me again (mmmm...) and re-installed the trigger which would put strings on my body (as he removes all triggers after each session), and woke me.
As he spoke the words, I felt myself go limp again, but this time supported by invisible strings holding my limbs. It felt... comfortable. Controlled. I loved knowing that he could move me like that. Spiral grinned, and told my arms to pull up my shirt. I could feel the strings tugging on my wrists, moving them, exposing myself. I flushed, he pointed it out, I flushed more, but was unable to hide my face because his strings were on me.
He took advantage of them, having me pose in a few different ways, and each time I felt those strings pulling me in different directions, moving me, manipulating me. It wasn’t only hot, it was just plain fun.
“Strings cut,” he said, and I was finally free to brush my hair out of my face and replace it with my hands, trying to cover my blush, but grinning gleefully under them as we giggled a bit together.
...As an interlude, yup, if I had to describe playing with Spiral in one word, I would say “fun”. And it all goes along with that family of toy metaphors – we do “play” together, and we do have “fun” “playing” together. I love the way he uses me as his “toy”, and he knows it and points it out to me whenever he wants to see me blush. And that makes me pretty darn pleased.
Next was experimenting with our mutual interest in mantras and mind-blankiness. He took full advantage of the webcam here – told me to stare into it, and as I did, I would feel my mind being sucked away... And that I would repeat whatever phrase he gave me, endlessly, until he gave me a new one, and that it would send me deeper as well. So I sat there, staring, chanting obediently each mantra he gave me as I felt my mind and wits just slip away, feeling my face and brain go blanker with each moment...
A couple of those mantras...
“I am a docile and obedient mindslut...”
“I am a mindless puppet...”
“I am an empty-headed doll...”
...Yeah, I loved every second of it. Needless to say, this part of our play is REALLY fuzzy for me.
Eventually he brought me up and out of that yummy, blank-minded, passive state, and we chatted a bit about what it felt like, and what I liked about it, and maybe what we would do next. If you know me as a subject (or even as a person), you’ll know that I am truly horrible at coming up with ideas, especially when asked on the spot. As I often do, I was (excuse the pun) drawing a blank. He suggested we try something he (and I) had seen in a couple videos – having me be a mannequin and pose to whatever he asked. I agreed, but then he came up with another idea. He asked if it would be helpful if he would trance me and then throw out various concepts and have me rate them on a scale of 1 to 5 of how much I would like to do them. 1 being "no", 5 being "right after posing". I ecstatically agreed – that would be perfect!
He put me under with my trance trigger (whee!) and then explained again that he would be describing different scenarios and ideas for me to rate on a scale of 1-5. 1 being "no", 5 being "right after posing". I remember feeling very good and safe about answering truthfully and automatically, and when he asked about the first idea, it did seem to just go straight from my fuzzy mind to speech without me having to think about it. I don't remember exactly what he asked, or in what order, but I do remember a few things that were fairly amusing.
"Alright," he said, "Stripping as a puppet.”
“Hmm... Quiet orgasms.”
“Exchanging your will for pleasure.”
At this point, I think he may have cracked up.
So he woke me, we laughed a bit at a few of my responses. I had answered higher for “quiet orgasms” because I not only felt more comfortable being quiet, but also because I had a suspicion that my roommates might come home! And as for the “6”... It was certainly something that interested me. Immensely.
As we had talked about before, we moved on to mannequin posing. First, we started with a bit of just him telling me how to pose and my body moving accordingly. Then, he told me that he would give me a thought or emotion and that I would move to fit what that brought in me, which I thought was terribly interesting and fun. “Submissive”, “powerful”, and “dominant” are a few of the words he threw out which came to mind.
After that we agreed to play more with the puppet strings in a more erotic way... He put me back on his strings again, and when he told me to strip I could feel them once again pulling and moving my body to do what he said. Then this time, once I had sufficiently less clothing, he instructed my hands to be brought behind my back, and with a bit of gentle testing I found myself pleased and excited to be unable to move them.
And that’s when what I like to call “mean Spiral” really came out. The version of him where he’s a shameless tease. Where he knows what to say to me to get me blushing and aroused and squirming. The one that knows words get me hot beyond all else. He and others who are familiar with my play will probably be quick to chide that it wasn’t “mean”, but instead very, very nice. To which I will respond with a “:P”.
There I was, though, squirming at his words with my hands effectively bound, blushing as he blatantly and unashamedly pointed out my arousal, and enjoyment of all of these things, as well as the redness of my cheeks. Needless to say, I was getting preeeeetty damn worked up.
All I can say at this point is thank god for safeties. I know my brain wouldn't have had any trouble even if we hadn't done safety suggestions beforehand, but it's really comforting to know for myself AND that the 'tist won't be fretting about how I'm doing. Long story short, there I was, topless with puppet strings holding my hands behind my back, horny as hell from teasing, waiting for a few moments to see if we would reconnect.
Skype dropped out entirely and I was able to move again and try to get back online. We ended up resuming the call a few minutes later, had a bit of a laugh at the timing, and then went back to playing.
At this point we did a bit more with puppet and mannequin suggestions, and I don’t remember who brought it up first (OK, it’s a really good bet that it was him, since I’m terrible at that sort of thing), but there was mention of a pleasure/arousal trigger, which I was quite enthusiastic about. And so he dropped me into trance again and told me that whenever he said the word “fucktoy” I would feel a rush of arousal go through me.
And of course he had to test it a few times, just to make sure it worked.
And then... Well. Neither of us had forgotten about my highest-rated item from the “interrogation”, as he called it. And so, I had a wonderful, much-anticipated trance where he told me that the more pleasure I felt, the more my mind would just melt away, the more I would feel my will to resist just drain away.
“Do you like this idea?” he asked, as he usually does.
“Yes...” I remember moaning.
“Good.” He woke me up, and my cheeks were as bright as ever, as he began teasing me again with his words, but this time involving copious use of the word “fucktoy”. Which, as he was quick to let me know later, caused my breath to catch in arousal every time he said it.
Every time he triggered me I could feel the heat flare between my legs and my brain get a little bit fuzzier. Which in itself made me more turned on. It was a rather brilliant suggestion for me just because of the fact that the concept got me so hot in the first place.
Somehow, at some point, Spiral tranced me again and made it so that there would be a force field around my erogenous zones, and woke me back up. This, as you might be able to guess, was incredibly frustrating for me. And of course it only made me hotter, and more incoherent, as Spiral spammed “fucktoy” triggers...
Eventually, hazy-minded by pleasure, I was allowed to touch myself, among such talk as,
“You're such a good, horny little slut-puppet, ready to do anything for pleasure... Because you are a fucktoy, and you want to masturbate so much right now even though you know it's going to take away all of your will and thoughts... But you don't even need will and thoughts, because you're just a fucktoy and all you want is pleasure...”
I was so fuzzy and so turned on and just blindly giving up everything I could for more of that delicious feeling.
“Getting close to orgasming and giving away all of your mind?” he asked. I moaned in agreement, and he told me that I wasn’t going to until I chanted enough. I think I begged for a mantra, and he told me to say “I am a helplessly horny fucktoy” over and over until he said I could stop and cum. I obeyed instantly and automatically, feeling that pleasure build inside of me, feeling more of my mind just... floating away...
“Go ahead and orgasm,” he said, and with a few more touches I was cumming, voice caught in my throat, and feeling my mind blank out with pleasure and release.
I remember floating like that, mindless, will-less, for a little while, instructed to enjoy it for a time and wake up at my own pace. After basking in the afterglow and the sweet feeling of my brain having emptied out, I brought myself out of it, feeling melty and happy and with a giant smile on my face.
This particular play session was about a month and a half ago, and of course we’ve had some fantastic scenes since then, and we chat regularly. This blog post was long overdue, and doesn’t do the experience justice. I’m sure you’ll see more about our interactions in the future :)