Wednesday, July 18, 2012

The Barbeque; or, the Story of Bacon, Rope, and Hypnosis: 5/26

(In terms of chronology, for the lazy, this post comes after AmHypnotic's 101 class and before hypnoclub.)

In the span of one week, I had completely popped / exploded my meet-kinksters-IRL cherry. May 20th was the wonderful erotic hypnosis 101 event held by AmHypnotic, and just 6 days later I planned to go to Boston and finally meet a couple people from the kink / hypno scene there. I had made fast friends with oneEyedstranger in chat, and, hearing that I was going to be in the area, he promptly decided to hold a casual barbeque / potluck movie night at his place. The lovely mephki also planned to be in attendance, and due to the extremely short time period in which this gathering was planned, we were correct in assuming that it was probably going to be just us three.

I was incorrect, however, in assuming that there would be no play.

OneEyed and I spent the first few hours (by ourselves, waiting for mephki) hanging out, chatting, and adding valuable commentary to the BBC Sherlock series. I must say, though, it was a bit silly seeing him... not because it was strange to meet someone from the internet, but because he was about as red as a tomato from lack of sunscreen a few days prior... and he had a bacon-shaped band-aid on his nose, which would be endless amusement to mephki and I later :)

Mephki showed up soon after we started preparing for the actual barbeque part of the barbeque party... (Bacon burgers!) And we had an extremely successful dinner, which was concluded by me finally getting to try something that she had baked! (Delicious cake!) After dessert was movie time, and oneEyed chose “Blazing Saddles” because I hadn’t seen it before (I know, I know, uncultured, you don’t have to tell me). It was the silly, post-movie conversation when mephki interjected, laughing, “You know, I brought rope...”

I raised my eyebrows slightly. While I had thought it might be a possibility that she had, I certainly didn’t expect it. OneEyed grinned with great enthusiasm and then was devastated to remember / be reminded of his terrible sunburn... Which is when I put up my hand and said, “I volunteer!” And we all laughed, and then had more cake.

Standing in the kitchen, eating straight frosting off of a plate with a fork, I struggled (and failed) not to burst into nervous laughter when mephki asked kindly, “So, what do you want to do, wanna be hogtied?” I replied as coherently as I could between giggles that I had approximately zero experience and only barely knew what something like that entailed. She quickly explained some logistics, including the “box tie” (or “takate kote”, as she told me later), and after my timid but enthusiastic agreement we began to figure out which room to do it in so as not to frighten the neighbors. We settled on a guest bedroom upstairs, with two (creaky!) twin beds on either side of it.

I could feel the shift of her personality when she started asking me safety questions. “Allergies to grass? Claustrophobic? Joint issues I should know about?” Confident, assuring, “work” mode. And then, after I apparently answered sufficiently, she asked me to stand in the middle of the room, and she got out her rope, natural-colored hemp.

She started with a box tie and bound my wrists first, behind my back. From there she moved on to rope around my shoulders, first above my breasts, then below them. Then she created a “handle” of sorts, connecting my bound wrists to the rope wrapped around my shoulders. I immediately noticed how secure I felt – safe and comfortable, knowing that she was in control, and knowing that she definitely knew what she was doing. I noticed how meticulous she was being, and felt so totally at ease with letting her work her magic.

I was, however, grinning like a fool and giggling the whole time, generally looking down at the floor. After all, what a ridiculous situation! There I was, standing in the middle of oneEyed’s guest bedroom while mephki was tying me up with rope for the first time, and oneEyed sat and surveyed with a bemused (and perhaps sadly envious) smile.

I also quickly noticed what having one’s arms properly bound behind oneself felt like. I could totally relax them, and the rope would hold them there. I didn’t feel... stuck. I felt... comfortable. Held. I mentioned earlier to mephki, when she asked if I was claustrophobic, that I was the opposite of claustrophobic; I felt safe in small spaces. This felt like just a different form of that.

And then the harness was done, and I was left standing, blushing, giggling, while mephki inspected it and oneEyed looked on. Little did I know that mephki had a strong grip on the “handle” in the back... and intended to use it.

She kept moving my center of gravity slightly, pushing and pulling me just a half a step forwards and backwards. I felt rather powerless at this point... but so very contented at just letting her do her thing. She walked me around a bit, pushing me into things, showing me what she could do with just a slight movement to take away more of my control over the situation. I had never been a part of a power exchange like this before, where real physical and spacial positions were the primary catalyst of the dynamic. While I might hesitate to say we were fully scening at this point (the mood was very much still pretty silly!), I could feel myself being dragged into my submissiveness. (Is this what people call subspace? I always envisioned subspace as just a different form of trance, not a... well, not alternate personality, persay, but having certain character aspects emerge and enhance, perhaps?)

I should mention at this point that I began to start trying actively NOT to trance. A quick interlude: I have this silly problem sometimes where going into trance is very easy for me, and I know this, but I don’t want to “mess up” by going under at the “wrong time”. In hindsight, there probably wasn’t a “wrong time” here – mephki had been framing rope as something that put people into trance somewhat often. She even said something close to those exact words. But, at the time, I just wanted to be “sure”, and so started to struggle with myself at time to time to stay 100% there.

After a few minutes of all of us having fun seeing what she could do, mephki promptly reminded me that she was going to hogtie me. Which I had completely forgotten about. Somewhat taken by surprise, I hopped up / was helped onto the bed and rolled onto my stomach. Mephki bound my ankles and then demonstrated that they act a bit like a lever when she pulled on the loose rope. And then she tied it to the rope handle on my back.

And just like that, I am hogtied and lying face down on the bed. My whole body is bound, but I just feel so... comfortable. Safe. Trusting. Held. (I have a feeling these adjectives, and similar ones, are going to be overused in this post.) Attempting to take advantage of my bound state, mephki and oneEyed go to tickle my feet, but I quickly squirm away as soon as I feel anything. Then oneEyed says, “And you can do fun stuff like this, too!” And promptly picks me up by the “handle” on my back and swings me around. I squeal and laugh in exhilaration, but I’m also afraid of heights, and so he puts me back on the bed, and I relax.

My brain at this moment is struggling to reconcile the fact that I can’t move with the fact that it’s not my brain that did that in the first place. I am terribly used to giving my submission in a cerebral sense and then having that be the first step in physical immobility. It’s extremely backwards for me that external physical immobility is what is triggering my submission. It’s confusing. Exciting. Surprisingly easy to relax into. My brain feels like it just wants to shut off, and I feel extremely content, which in itself feels almost paradoxical...

“Looks like someone’s found ropespace,” I hear mephki say, smiling. I promptly realize that I’ve been silent this whole time, primed for a nap or trance or something, or perhaps already halfway there. Or, like mephki said, I had found that space.

I meekly try to explain my mental state – somehow I feel that same “not supposed to be doing this” feeling with how my brain is, but mephki and oneEyed dismiss it, and I fall silent again. My body and mind feel incredibly relaxed and at peace, and I feel a bit like I’m floating for a few lovely moments.

 It’s now when mephki begins to talk about how one can be rougher and more severe with rope than she has been up to this point. She asks if I like pain, I reply “not too much.” And then she comes over to me, right behind my field of vision, and I feel her tightening the hogtie, pulling my feet closer to my back, and I can feel a delicious sense of strain, and again, absurd safety at being tied so tightly. I let go, just a little more.

Then she pulls on my back, pushing down in the middle and somehow pulling up on my shoulders and lifting and I can feel the hemp biting into my shoulders and my spine hurting and pain but good, the kind that I haven’t felt in so long, the kind that makes my heart pound and my breath catch and my brain reel just enough. The kind that spurs an instant cognition of “you will have marks later”, in the most exciting possible way – and that is a thought I had never had the pleasure of thinking so seriously before.

At a certain point it becomes a bit much, and I breathlessly let mephki know, and she eases up just enough. And then she says, “And the great thing about this is when the tension releases—” she lets up, slowly, “—and you can just relax into the feeling of it letting go...”

And I melt. Into the ropes, into the bed. I am acutely aware of my own silence, of my own motionless form, of everything around me. But it’s dulled, unimportant. I feel like I am simply an observer in my own body, curiously detached and floaty and so very peaceful.

The rest of being tied like that is a bit fuzzy. There was no further hypnotic fun (to my knowledge), but I do remember finally adjusting my arms and feeling one of my hands being numb. So I let mephki know, and she remarked that since it was our first time playing together, she wouldn’t know if it was “good” numb or “bad” numb (a statement that piqued my curiosity), so she undid my ankles and sat me up with help from oneEyed, and began to loosen my harness.

Feeling came back to my hand and mind slowly as I stood in the middle of the room, letting mephki once more attend to the ropes. I felt the most insane thrill at seeing the marks the rope left in my skin. OneEyed said that they wouldn’t be there for too long since I wasn’t tied up for a very long time (to which my brain said, “WHAT?!”), but I was pleased with them anyways. In particular the two that seemed like they had bruised from mephki’s slightly more violent play. I was grinning like a fool.

She undid most everything and loosened the bind on my wrists, but didn’t fully remove the rope. I felt blood begin to rush back into my hand and I let her know. Throughout all of this, the three of us were chatting merrily a bit, when oneEyed remarked that mephki had tied me quite slowly the first time. Not knowing the first thing about rope, I had no idea of how fast one “should” be tied. Mephki, however, agreed with him. Once I was as free as I needed to be, she looked at me for a moment, and then just said, “Just curious to see how fast I can do this...”

And then she’s a flurry of motion, looping the rope around my shoulders with a speed I wholly do not expect and pulling taut, and then, almost before I can register it, around my arms below my breasts again. Standing passively in the whir of rope leaves me breathless. The sheer intensity and focus that she is exuding is tangible, and intoxicating.

Before I know it, I’m bound just as effectively as I was a few minutes prior. It is at this point where I begin to have difficulty controlling my breathing. I can feel her eyes on me, appraising her work, and I’m unable to tell if she’s looking at the ropes, or past them, at me. I am aware of the blush I can feel begin to spread on my cheeks and become immediately conscious of the (somewhat labored) rise and fall of my chest. Both because I know she is looking, and because I can feel the ropes restricting the ease of the motion with each breath.

It’s now that oneEyed says, “Feels a bit different when she does it like that, doesn’t it?” I feel myself flush a bit more and agree, trying to regain control of the situation with a weak smile.

And then I feel mephki’s hand stroke through my hair and my breath catches in my throat. My heart pounds against my chest, against my ribcage, bound in hemp. Her fingers take hold in my hair and she
pulls and I know that’s it. Desire flares deep inside of me. I worry dully about the sound that just came out of my mouth. I am instantly, exceedingly conscious of our proximity – her front to my back, and my brain maps out the exact position of her form against mine.

She has not let go of my hair, and pulls it again, and I struggle so hard with myself to maintain some semblance of composure. But there it is, another whimper, sharp gasp, and just like that I’ve lost control. Of my breathing, of my self. I can feel the shift of the mood in the room, in my little bubble of awareness.

Desperately, crudely suppressed, my submission finally simmers to the surface and overflows, scalding me with its heat. I can feel myself crumble. I yield to it – and her.

“I wonder what else she likes...” I hear mephki say behind me, as she continues to run her fingers through my hair. I’m so overwhelmed that I don’t trust myself to speak.

“We subs can’t decide anything for ourselves,” oneEyed chides gently, and we all laugh, that glorious tension subsiding for just a moment. But I still can’t manage to say anything.

“Guess her brain’s just turned off,” mephki says with a smile, adjusting her hand in my hair again, and I flush hard, a thrum of arousal cutting right through me. “Does it come back on if I do this?” She removes her hand and I giggle nervously, worried that I’m almost as red as oneEyed, at this point. And yet I still can’t bring myself to articulate anything beyond a few squeaky, incoherent attempts at speech.

OneEyed and mephki both remarked that it seemed as though I wouldn’t be that helpful, and mephki pondered if she should just do things with me that she enjoys. OneEyed and I both agreed, him more coherently than I. Then mephki, smiling behind me, asked the million-dollar question:

“Would you like some hypnosis with your rope?”

And for once, my brain kicked into gear. “I like hypnosis with my everything,” I laughed, and it dawned on me that, by admitting that, I was going to trance. I shifted on my feet in anticipation.

Another strong grip of her hand in my hair and I melt again, just like that. And then she begins talking about how easy it would be to just go into hypnosis, standing up like this, and my brain sings out in joy as I feel trance creeping up on me, waiting for the perfect moment to just—

“—Drop into trance...”

My eyes slide shut and my head falls forward and there it is, that delicious feeling of letting go. There’s a low, gentle thrum of arousal in my mind and body as I feel myself sag, muscles releasing, giving her everything. She’s blending words and physical motions to send me deeper, rolling my head a bit, hand still gripping my hair, letting my head drop so gently, lining up perfectly with her language.  It’s something I’ve never experienced before, and my mind, already fuzzy and feeling so good, is reeling with the placid intensity of that combination.

I listen dutifully and serenely as she explains various safeties, still using corporeal touches and movements to ensure I don’t leave this wonderful floaty space. Among them is a “stoplight” system, as one should have for any scene, and she allows me to keep it for later, to use with anyone I’d like, and I feel so profoundly safe that my subconscious decides to give her everything. I agree, and she brings me just a little deeper with her voice and hands.

And then... just waiting so peacefully in the velvety blackness behind my eyelids, withdrawn into my mind, I feel her arms grip round me suddenly, and then I’m moving; she’s jumped onto the bed and taken me, thrown on top of her, and my world spins as I feel myself sag limply against her. I am not lucid enough to be fully aroused by the feeling of being so completely pressed against her. As it is, I only feel comfortable, protected, and pleasingly dizzy as she speaks words of relaxation right into my ear. And I love it.

At some point I am stood up again and pressed against the bed, face down in it, as she (and possibly oneEyed) unbind me once more. I lie passively, going deeper as she speaks...

“You’re safe, you’re with friends who care about you, and we’re all having fun in this scene...”

And I know it to be true, I feel it inside myself; there is a deep sense of contentment flooding me.

I remember that at some point she mentioned that even though they were undoing the ropes, I would still feel them, somehow... While I accepted the suggestion wholly, my brain was a tad confused as to when, and my hands remained restrained even after she undid them, until she encouraged my arms to relax, and I went lax again.

Mephki and oneEyed lifted my entirely (perhaps annoyingly, I fear!) yielding form onto the bed, laying me gently on my back, and then, somehow, the ropes were back, and I was once again bound.

She is talking me into a wonderful place of true tranquility. Gentle happiness and peace and arousal run through me, and my brain is in this incredible space it’s only really tasted the edges of before, like a cookie – and now it’s reveling in the warm, gooey center.

I realize that she’s tossed more rope on me, some draped over my ankles and some over my chest; the sensation of it mingling with the “rope” that’s already binding me near overwhelms me with an unexpected but welcome sense of comfort. Her voice is just another added sensation, speaking to my listening, focused, yet uncaring mind. She’s talking about that lovely sense of freedom I feel, yes...

“How can one be free while bound? The mind can run free while the body is bound...”

It can, I know it can, I can feel that happening. I might be smiling softly in my trance; I’m not sure, and it really doesn’t matter to me.

She brings me back up after a bit more of that floatyamazingwonderfulness, and it’s all I can do to smile dreamily up at her. As blissed out as I am, I’m still not much good for conversation. After a bit of banter between the two that could talk,

“Oh,” mephki said, “You know what I forgot? My silver rope.”

I can’t see oneEyed, as he’s behind me, but I can practically feel his smile.

“That’s a shame,” he said. Having nothing to contribute to the conversation, I lie there, with a questioning smile on my face.

“You know,” she said, “Some people, when the even think about the rope, about how shiny it is, about how it shimmers—” and my brain is saying I wanna drop now she’s doing the thing “—that’s enough for them to get all fuzzy and go into trance...”

There it was again, I was already halfway there and imagining her holding that shining, silvery rope is making my mind so trancey and drifty and all the way down...

The “silver rope” trance feels a bit different than the ones prior. It feels... fantastical, somehow. She deepens me flawlessly, her words fitting into my brain like they were just meant to be there, and I just feel so incredibly amazing and peaceful. The rope is all around me – the real ropes, the invisible ones, the silver one, and everything is just piecing together to create one of the most incredible mindspaces I’ve ever been in.

She suggests, perfectly, that I’ll be able to go back to this marvelous state when she talks about “silver rope” again, whether it’s in person or otherwise, and that I may want to blog about my experiences.

And then it’s time for me to come back up, on the count of five, and I see the ropes dissolve into sparkles in my mind before I open my eyes and rejoin mephki and oneEyed and the world of the waking.

(As an aside, I wrote out a ton of notes after I got home, and I feel the need to include what I wrote after this: “IT WAS LIKE FUCKIN MAGIC, WHAT”)

As my mind comes back, slowly, and I, bearing a grin and a flush, begin to be able to talk and interact again, I check the clock and realize that I’m going to have to leave soon to be home. Giddy, still a tad floaty, we all go back downstairs and start to pack up. It’s at this point that I am thanking past-me for having brought a sweater – as expected, there are beautiful red marks around my shoulders and arms that I don’t need questioned. They make me grin stupidly every time I notice them again.

I ended up driving mephki home (with a slight detour into a parking lot when we saw a spider in the car), and then getting home myself. I promptly flicked the lights on and threw off my sweater to run my fingers along the marks.

I fucking love marks.

And I fucking love rope.

Then, in my brain, there was that suggestion, bubbling to the surface...

“ post...”

And let me tell you, does it feel damn satisfying to be here, now, finishing this, after all this time. I got stuck for a while after my memory faded over the weeks, but some gentle prodding from a he-who-shall-totally-be-named (*cough*AmHypnotic*cough*) and a few others in the last month and a half have gotten me to push through and get this thing done.

Yay! :)


I feel as though I’m like an author who’s written a prequel of sorts in the saga of her own hypnokink play...


  1. Thanks for sharing. This is an incredible post with lots of detail. Yum, please keep sharing, it's amazing. Will.

    1. :) Thanks much for reading and commenting! Glad you're continuing to enjoy the posts!

  2. Wow. An amazing experience and such beautiful writing about it! I can almost feel like I was inside your skin for it. No, actually, not your skin, your mind. Which is the important part, anyway.

    1. ^_^ Indeed! So glad you liked it, and glad I could make it so easy to "get inside"!

  3. That was a truly epic post! (So hot!) It isn't every day that we have the treat of seeing what's inside the mind of the one we tie up.

    And this gives me... ideas... ;)

    1. ^_____^ I'm grinning so much right now, seriously. I'm so glad I could write this for you and that you enjoyed it when it was finally done. Also scared of your ideas XD